The pay is good and I can walk to work.
My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.
I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?
Why are they sad and glad and bad? I do not know, go ask your dad.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
Everything is a miracle. It is a miracle that one does not dissolve in one's bath like a lump of sugar.
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
When I die, I hope to go to Heaven, whatever the Hell that is.
I warn you, if you bore me, I shall take my revenge.
Hair loss is God's way of telling me I'm human.
We had no fear in those days.
I am a spy in the house of me. I report back from the front lines of the battle that is me. I am somewhat nonplused by the event that is my life.
My name can't be that tough to pronounce!
I was training to be an electrician. I suppose I got wired the wrong way round somewhere along the line.
There are probably a few library fines I haven't paid yet, but I'm a pretty clean-cut guy overall.
What we're always looking for is weird social issues and weird connections to make. Luckily for them, there's no shortage of material.
I think penguins are the most human of all the birds, which may be why people love them. They're cute, they stand upright and they look like they're wearing tuxedos.
I always say, "Well if you think it's over the top, then tell me where the top is first. I don't think anyone can, but if you can tell me where the top is, then I'll tell you whether or not I'm over it.
Mona Lisa must have had the highway blues; you can tell by the way she smiles.
I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.
He groaned slightly and winced, like Prometheus watching his vulture dropping in for lunch.
It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.