Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
Any customer can have a car painted any colour that he wants so long as it is black.
I see no advantage in these new clocks. They run no faster than the ones made 100 years ago.
Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.
I am corny, you know? But I think there are just about 140 million people in this country who are just as corny as I am.
We allow no geniuses around our Studio.
Call no man unhappy until he is married.
I think it would be great to be born on Earth and die on Mars. Just hopefully not at the point of impact.
I am sorry to say that there is too much point to the wisecrack that life is extinct on other planets because their scientists were more advanced than ours.
I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered at the White House - with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone.
The pay is good and I can walk to work.
I'm always rather nervous about how you talk about women who are active in politics, whether they want to be talked about as women or as politicians.
The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.
Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.
The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
Out of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most.
I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any.
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.